Social Media Love Story

Opposites Attract… but they also can drive each other crazy. In this Conscious Relationship Tip video, Katie & Gay Hendricks will give a powerful technique for shifting out of getting defensive when differences occur and moving into a space of learning from each other.

The second of the seven big relationship discoveries we made relates to learning from every relationship interaction.

Here is the principal:

If you learn from every relationship interaction – rather than getting defensive in relation interactions – it allows you to learn from the other person and they learn from you, so that you move through things faster and get to a higher level of intimacy much faster.

Here is one thing we noticed in our relationship and we have noticed from the people we have worked with: Opposites attract. You get together with somebody who’s not like you and then the first thing you do is either try to change them so they like you or you make them wrong for being the way they are. Some of the classic opposites are:

• the thinker and the feeler
• the spendthrift and the tightwad
• the tidy one or the messy one

So when we got together we really represented a lot of those polarities.

Gay & Katie Hendricks

Katie: One of the first things that would happen is the way I got defensive was to feel misunderstood

Gay: So she was the big feeler and I was the big thinker. When we got into our relationship and when ever she get into that feeling state I would get more cerebral, and I would say: “You know, fundamentally there is nothing to be upset about it because you know that if you can just think it through a little more carefully…”

Katie: And I would say “if you could just deconstruct the stick some where in your anatomy, you could loosen up a little bit and your life might really be a lot more fun if you have more feeling in it.”

So we have these battle going on back forth about which position was right and then one day we realized that we could actually use this as an opportunity to learn from each other. So, we developed this magic move which involves shifting from your critical brain to your wonder brain. The method is to create a “hhmmmm” a pleasant “hhmmm” that actually shifts you into your creative brain.

Finally after bunch of those I realized: Why would a thinker attract a feeler into his life? Hmmm, I wonder if its because I need to learn something about my feelings? Then I, for the first 498 times I would go “naaa, that can’t possibly apply” but finally I began not only that there was a learning opportunity that I was getting over and over again.

So here is that magic move that we wanted to suggest you which is: “hhmmmmmmm, What can I learn from this?”

When you shift from trying to blame each other into “hhmmmm, what can I learn from this?” then your relationship becomes about discovery. After 28+ years we are still discovering and learning from each other… which creates day to day fun and enjoyment of being together.

See larger image Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment (Paperback) By (author) Gay Hendricks, Kathlyn Hendricks List Price: $16.00 USD New From: $8.91 In Stock Used from: $0.01 In Stock Release date January 1, 1992.