2 Mar, 2010 in Commitment, Finding Love by

How To Get To Commitment In Relationships – Gay & Katie Hendricks

Having challenges taking your relationship to a higher level of commitment? This insightful video by Relationship Experts Katie & Gay Hendricks of the Hendricks Institute will give some powerful tools to consider.

Katie Hendricks: How do you get someone to make a commitment? Well here is the good news and the bad news: you don’t. You really cannot get anybody else to make a commitment to you. What you can do is to make a whole-hearted, whole body commitment yourself – to what you really want. That’s the move that really makes the difference.

Gay Hendricks: Let me give you an example of how that works:

I was working with a women some years ago who would have the experience of being in relationships over and over and over again, where she had difficulty getting the other person to make a commitment to her. This had happened 3 or 4 different times and the relationships had broken up, so she came to talk to me about this problem. What ended up turning the key for her was something that she had never thought off before…

After she has told me the story I invited her to learn to love that part of herself that she didn’t feel was worth committing to. As soon as I even mentioned that, she burst into tears because she had wanted a person to make a commitment to her, but she hadn’t really loved and accepted that part of herself that felt it was not worthwhile or worthy of having a commitment made to her.

The magic was that all it took was about 10 or 15 minutes of doing that and then, interestingly enough, I have never seen her again… She met a man not long after that. I end up getting a post card from the other end of the country (I think it was in Maine) where she had told me the story that she had bumped into a fellow about a coffee shop or something like that and they ended up together and to best of my knowledge 20 years later they are still together.

The important move is to take the attention off of getting a commitment from the other person and putting it on loving and accepting that part of yourself – that’s where the magic really happens.

Katie Hendricks: We are wishing you great play and commitment and celebration in your relationships.

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  • michaelsherman

    Perfect timing to read this. I was working with a client today who is really experiencing a challenge of looking for a commitment from a man who hasn't left his wife yet. It was sobering and sad for her to realize that she was expecting more from a man who is terrified of conflict. But once she was able to visualize the woman who she truly is, a deeper, more powerful woman who has empowering and empathic “rules” about the kind of relationship she wants for herself, it's making it clearer to her of what to communicate to her unavailable partner.
    Michael Sherman
    http://www.CourageousLovingNation.com

    • http://twitter.com/JosephRanseth Joseph Ranseth

      Thanks for the comment Michael, you've got an amazing blog as well! :)

  • http://twitter.com/JosephRanseth Joseph Ranseth

    Thanks for the comment Michael, you've got an amazing blog as well! :)